Mst is over. The past 5 days had been really torturing and arduous. I’ve been trying to mug every single day, forcing my poor little brain to take in whatever rubbish information needed.
This is freaking wasting my time. I’m doing it for the sake of completing it.

TELL ME WHY AM I WORKING MY ASS OFF AND PAYING THOUSANDS OF SCHOOL FEES WHEN ALMOST EVERYTHING IS BASED ON MEMORY WORK. =.=

I wish holidays were longer, then i can go back to GuangZhou with Cy. Oh well, i should be contented with the upcoming M’sia trip BUT WTH ITS ONLY MALAYSIA =(

I really do hope that it’s still intact with you. Although a big part of me knows that you probably have already given it away.

Ever since young, i’ve always been into music. Not the hiphop street jazz or whatever you call it. I’ve always been into classical music, musical instruments. The very soothing kind. I’ve always wanted to learn the piano, flute, harp and violin. But well too bad up till this date i still can’t fulfil this lifelong ‘want’ of mine. Everytime people discuss on the topic of ‘My ambition’, i shut up because i can’t tell them my ambition, because how am i supposed to tell them that i want to be a pianist/violinist etc when i haven’t even gone through proper music theory lessons.
Its so embarrassing. 

My ambition isn’t big. I just want to sit in a corner of a lounge/cafe and produce soothing music for people to listen. And as they listen, they feel happy, relaxed and calm. But yea, this sounds quite impossible.

No, i don’t want to be a scientist nor a food technologist, i don’t really want to be an educator, i don’t have what it takes to be a vocalist/song writer/composer, i don’t intend to be someone like bill gates who’s able to change the world and i definitely will not be able to invent something as great as electricity.

I just want to be a very humble, quiet, pianist. 

Can I?

I don’t know what came over me today but i suddenly felt like i sorted out my thoughts.
I may not have a good and easy life, but along the way, i have met people who helped me and gave me alot of opportunities. In chinese i call them 恩人 LOL.
And then i thought, god isn’t that unfair afterall.
I may not have what others have, but one thing for sure, i have experiences and independence. Over the years, i accumulated lots of experience from everywhere and i learnt quite a lot on interpersonal relations skills.
I am also quite lucky because every place or company that i work in, there will always be very nice colleagues who would teach me patiently, guide me through not only work but also in life, and not flare up when i make mistakes. These people played a part in my growing process, my teenage years. I will carry these lessons i learnt from them into my future.
And then there were things that i initially thought i couldn’t do or handle, but a few people out there trusted me, had confidence in me and gave me opportunities to work on. And i did make it. They made me realise i am actually not ‘good for  nothing’.
So i kind of concluded that instead on harping on all the negative things that are happening in my life, i should try and look on the bright side of everything. I believe god is fair and i will have my fair share of happiness in time to come :)

She once said she envies me because i seem to be able to juggle between so many things and still keep going, and because i’m good at reasoning.
I remember very clearly i wasn’t impressed or delighted to hear her opinion of me. Neither did i take it as a compliment because i was thinking ‘what the hell, you think fun ah You know how tiring it is or not?’ LOL
But now as i think of it, once again i say: ‘God is fair’
Because she envies me for my independence and experience, and i envy her for her good, comfortable and extravagant life.
So, you may not possess what others possess, but others may not have what you have too!

In conclusion, just live life as it is. You won’t know if you’re gonna get langa by a car tomorrow. So just bring in on and fight it! :D

The above title used to be my previous blog’s Url. The very very first url i thought of. It contains almost every major issue i faced from when i was 13 to 18, my very childish and incoherent rants, my twit language, my pride, some happiness, and more. It still exists, but i changed the url. I guess no one visits that old blog of mine anymore but still i won’t delete it. I can’t bear to because it’s my very first blog. But well this is only my second blog ever since I’ve decided to move on from certain things and people in my life.

Well I guess someday you might actually retreat into the distant fragrances of our once upon a time. And by then, what will you be missing most? I wonder.

Hello, school has been fine. To be honest, not really. There’re so much assignments, projects, datasheets, reports, fyp and whatnot to be completed. But yea i’ve got work going on so I don’t actually have much free time. Almost everyday is packed. So if I happen to ask you out for a date, please please please don’t reject me? :(
Mst is in a week’s time and I’m still lost. I don’t know what the hell I’ve been doing and learning recently. I can’t wait to graduate and live the next phase of my life though I’m certain I’ll miss schooling at some later point of time in life. But thanks to some really awesome and funny friends like ky, HUIHAN and wencong, who are always capable of making me laugh when I just feel like burning the school down. Thanks guys :)

I’ll be heading to genting and kl next month with my old skool clique and I really can’t wait. I need a break and I’m not kidding. Sometimes I look into the mirror and get so depressed at what I see, mentally and physically.
I’m so thankful that I have TFL in my life.

Sometimes I wonder who reads my blog. And as they read, which or what tone dictates these words in their mind? Is it my voice?

We walked uphill together. We reached the peak, but I feel like we’re falling downhill now. Maybe it’s not your bad, it’s mine.
I wonder if we can salvage this.

If, I say if, if I ever succeed In life in the future, I might wanna write a book about what I’ve been through, what made me fall, who gave a helping hand and how I survived shit. Sounds awesome? No. Okay. Hahahaha.

Alright, there’s no school tmr but there’s work! Good night! :)

In the process of being strong, learning how to be independent, keeping everything in, holding on, making sacrifices and forbidding myself to take chances, I guess I lost myself.
I lost the courage to pursue what I’ve always wanted. I lost the courage to keep my passion burning. I lost the persistence in keeping my ego. I lost my laughter. I lost my confidence and my bubbly nature. I lost the vigor and zest that a youngster should have. I lost my goal.

Masking tape holds me together till I find myself again.
I yearn to find myself back. Someday, eventually, I will.